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"DPW 500 CLUB" SOFTBALL TIPZ CREATED BY: TRISH AND VINNY ( DPW’S HOWARD STERN & ROBIN QUIVERS) |
IF THE BALL IS HIT
SOMEWHERE TO THE OUTFIELD… WATCH THE BALL UNTIL IT LANDS THEN PICK IT UP.
IF YOUR TEETH GET
IMBEDDED IN THE BALL….SIMPLY THROW THE BALL TO THE NEAREST BASE. WE WILL
RETURN YOUR TEETH AT THE END OF THE GAME.
WHEN THE BALL IS THROWN
TO THE CATCHER….ALLOW THE UMPIRE TO RETURN THE BALL TO THE PITCHER.
WHEN THE BALL WHIZZES
ABOVE YOUR HEAD….REACH UP AND SWING AT IT. STARE HEARTILY AS STRIKE THREE
WHIZZES BY.
WHEN A GROUND BALL IS HIT
DIRECTLY TO YOU…RUN TO YOUR LEFT.
WHEN RUNNING THE
BASES…..MAKE SURE TO RUN COUNTER-CLOCKWISE.
WHEN YOU FIELD A GROUND
BALL…..TURN SLOWLY AND THROW OVER THE FIRST BASEMAN’S HEAD.
WHEN YOU HIT A GROUND
BALL….RUN GINGERLY TO FIRST BASE, SHAKE YOUR OPPONENT’S HAND AND RETURN TO
THE BENCH.
SWING AT EVERY PITCH!!
A DOUBLE-PLAY MEANS TWO
OUTS IN THE SAME INNING.
WHEN RUNNING THE
BASES….MAKE SURE TO OVERTAKE THE RUNNER IN FRONT OF YOU.
PEOPLE HAVE GROUNDED OUT
TO OUTFIELDERS BEFORE AND THEY'LL PROBABLY DO IT AGAIN.
IN RUNNING OUT A GROUND
BALL, IT'S BEST TO STOP JUST BEFORE REACHING FIRST IN ORDER TO ALLOW THE 1BMAN
TO CATCH THE THROW. THEN YOU MAY PROCEED RUNNING…
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE ARE
YOU TO SLIDE INTO FIRST OR HOME PLATE.
WHEN ROUNDING THE
BASES……PLEASE DO NOT RUN INTO THE CENTERFIELDER.
CALLING FOR THE BALL IS
NOT ALLOWED.
IN THE OFF-SEASON FEEL
FREE TO USE YOUR SHIRT FOR PAINTING CHORES AND TO BUFF YOUR VEHICLE.
ALL OUT-FIELDERS MUST
WEAR FLOATIES OR SCUBA GEAR. ALL IN-FIELDERS MUST WEAR A HOCKEY MASK AND
PROTECTIVE CUP.
CATCHERS MUST RETURN THE
BALL TO ANYONE BUT THE PITCHER.
AT THE THIRD OUT STAY IN
YOUR POSITIONS AND LOOK BEWILDERED AND AMAZED.
WHEN ROUNDING THE
BASES…PLEASE FEEL FREE TO STOP AND EXCHANGE PLEASANTRIES WITH THE OTHER TEAM.
WHEN THE COACH REMOVES
YOU FROM THE GAME…IMMEDIATELY RETURN TO THE BENCH TO BITCH AND MOAN FOR THE
REST OF THE GAME.
IF A FLY BALL IS HIT TO
YOU AND YOU DROP YOUR GLOVE WHILE RUNNING TO CATCH, REMOVE YOUR
"TROTTER’S" HAT TO MAKE THE CATCH (IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A HAT, RUN TO
THE NEAREST TEAMMATE AND BORROW HIS.
IN SACRIFICE FLY
SITUATIONS, GET A LITTLE HEAD START… TAG UP AND START RUNNING HOME A LITTLE
BEFORE THE BALL IS CAUGHT.
NO POINT IN BREAKING UP
THE DOUBLE PLAY…. THEY'RE GETTING THE NEXT BATTER OUT ANYHOW.
WHEN THROWING OVER THE
FIRST BASEMAN"S HEAD, TRY TO THROW TO THE LEFT AS WELL. THAT WAY THE BALL
GOES IN THE STREAM AND WE DON’T HAVE TO BOTHER CHASING IT DOWN.
USE ONLY ILLEGAL BATS.
SNORTING UP THE THIRD
BASE LINE IS ALLOWED ONLY AFTER THE GAME.
WHEN THE COACH SAYS,
"GET IN FRONT OF THE BALL"….USE YOUR HEAD NOT YOUR FACE.
BEFORE THE GAME, LOUNGE
ON THE SIDELINES ADMIRING THE FLIGHT PATHS OF MIGRATING BIRDS AS THE OTHER TEAM
WARMS UP.
REMEMBER TO STRETCH FOR
AT LEAST 8 SECONDS BEFORE EACH GAME.
BATTING OUT OF ORDER IS
STRONGLY ENCOURAGED TO THROW OFF THE OTHER TEAM'S GUARD.
TRY NOT TO GET ON THE
UMP'S BAD SIDE UNTIL LATER IN THE GAME.
AND REMEMBER - THERE IS
A SIXTH INNING.